Mitchell, [7:12 AM]:
I live in a screwed up world I don't see the brother in law who moved out because he is a secluded do nothing and he does not effectively reach out to family (all of Kim's family (except for her mom) are incapable of reaching out and think they do often with no evidence and I do see the other brother in law who I do not like then I am one of the parents of Kim's sisters kids which I really like more and more and my own daughter is a mess I reached out to her for years and didn't work out and then (this is the way way short and less painful version) after me Kim and Lauren's mother performed a version of an intervention a few Sunday's ago then Lauren now texts me "I backstabbed by you" and other immature crapola - and I simply said sorry and what can I do for you and she continues to text me with bursts of arguments / bs shouting stuff she needs me and is incapable of both realizing that there are many family members that would be there for her if she would stop being reactionary and angry and took notice
Barnes [7:17 AM]:
I am really sorry to hear that.
Mitchell [7:17 AM]:
It seems I repel those who I want to be there for and attract others who I don't (at least for sometime) don't recognize that I can be or already am there for
both my ex and Kimmie play this game of why don't you make dinner because you are home from work earlier and pretend that I don't do anything around the house when I simply go on strike often because I do 90%
Barnes [7:19 AM]:
The people you care about ost are often the hardest to reach.
I know the feeling. Same here sometimes...
Life is really frustrating me lately.
Mitchell [7:20 AM]:
my ex played this game and Kimmie is and I believe I make it too easy and get walked on because I am very very reliable and dependable if I ever miss getting together with family - even if I am sick or I am late or I just don't do something that I said I would do - people freak out on me
where ever I go I am the glue that holds things together and everyone around me becomes (or already is) a flake
sure I am crazy
so I am getting so angry lately at all this crap explains my recent email here
Barnes [7:23 AM]:
you are perfectly "normal" like me... normal is bs and does not exist. I think all of us in this room are entitled to being angry at this point...at least where work is concerned.
Mitchell [7:26 AM]:
yes lately I have been thinking how I can change my position on things and arrive at some new behaviors and philosophy that really works for ME I figure it about time not leaving my wife or anything just doing something different that involves keeping me happy and honestly being less dependable for others so others can step up to the plate especially since I work to hard at my life to continue being walked on
Mitchell [7:28 AM]:
oh yes I realize all stuff like normal, reasonable, common sense, control, and being mean or nice are all bunch of bs and do not expect oh dont get me started on "fairness" these are things said by people who are manipulative passive agressive flakes stupid and locked in on fixing others instead of having any backbone or guts to face themselves
Barnes [7:29 AM]:
good idea... My wife and I have always been close to the point some would call it co-dependant but lately we are trying to do more seperate and have some time to be ourselves.
So true. Everyone wants to blame someone or something else rather than face the person in the mirror
Mitchell [7:30 AM]:
you hit the nail on the head I am a champion of co-dependency and I really do not know anything else I recently said to a counselor that I can't imagine not being co-dependent and that everyone is
Barnes [7:31 AM]:
Yes.
Mitchell [7:33 AM]:
yes and I listen to my wife complain (and my daugher and in my former life my ex) and I do not complain for a long time and then I blow and of course I am the one to apologize very quickly and they know I am correct and I have know all of it all along I continually am taken for someone who is not as smart and aware as anyone knows
Barnes [7:33 AM]:
They say that like it is a bad thing. I know it is sometimes hard on my wife but without her and the kids as an anchor in my life I would have died a long time ago. I am certain of it.
However I am starting to re-discover myself and I am trying to be more trure to myself and stand up for myself.
Mitchell [7:36 AM]:
agreed me 2 I could talk about a number of weeks when my wife and I were separated where I was really close and attempting and had written out notes to my wife and daugher and really planned on the end
It doesn't even bother me to think about it but I . . .
I really notice so much that I can assess things quickly and make very good decisions (oh yeah except that I am crazy and am a savant in the sense that am able to spend exactly what I earn within pennies without even thinking about it)
Barnes [7:39 AM]:
I know what you mean.
Barnes [7:45 AM]:
The weird think for my wife and I is that she is terrified of death/dying. Whereas I am quite the opposite. I have been to the edge and looked over and it didn't scare me at all. Life on the otherhand is much scarier to me because it has turned out nothing like the brochure I got as a kid about how Jim Frickin Dandy life is supposed to be. That is my biggest pet peeve...life, history, religon, etc. I feel lied to. Half truths is not truth at all.
Barnes [7:47 AM]:
I loathe people who claim to tell the truth but do not. Ommision of the truth is still lies...
Mitchell [7:48 AM]:
right for me it is all but useful
Mitchell [7:52 AM]:
I believe in a God and I believe that this life is mostly a waste of time so extremely sad and fucked up that (for expample) we work (at a place like this) so that we earn some form of barter currency that comes to me as numbers on a check (crap) or electronic data that adds to some eletronic data that is supposed to get me stuff and things and whatever for this life that is screwed up beyond belief and that there is so much shit that is the foundation of this existence - whatever this is
Mitchell [7:58 AM]:
some electronic data that I already have in a bank ( a building that has data on machines and paper that is all crap) the biggest thing that I agree on with my brother-in-law Scott who lived with us for 2 years
is that everything is made up
Barnes [7:59 AM]:
Exactly...more lies...a total scam. So sad that people tend to define themselves by their jobs. I am not my job...far from it. I am a luminous being capable of the greatest kindness and the darkest of actions both at the same time.
Mitchell [7:59 AM]:
time, money, and sosososososososososososososo much more
computers for example and the problems and the industry
I like a lot of the older things that are made up sailing, older cars, music, hands on stuff I hate imaginary bs like making plans for your life and life goals and being positive and anything short
Mitchell [8:04 AM]:
anything short of taking action and knowing and learning what can really be done with your two hands
I hate philosphical platitudes except for the imaginary ideas that I come up with that allow me to learn and is my method of expression
Barnes [8:06 AM]:
I agree. What has happened to the world as of late is sad. Everything is disposable, expendable...including us. At least that is how our government and corporations view us.
Mitchell [8:06 AM]:
well that is how my daughter sees me
and I have no idea who I am, what I know, what anything is worth, and I don't blame but I am relentlessly sick of people who pretend
oh let's get this Josh dumbass out of here let's get something going that gets him a cube somewhere
Barnes [8:13 AM]:
The only thing left that is real is the thoughts of those rare few that are still capable of free thought. Sadly I estimate that less then 5 percent are capable of free thought. I find the ideas in the Matrix movies to be not far from the truth. Scary stuff and endlessly frustarting for those who can see it.
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